This file is a bit too large so it's zipped. Sorry.
Project 2 Artist Statement
This piece titled i can’t do this anymore (03:42) is a video piece I made as a result of me filming a breakdown. This was a regular occurrence for me, as were the thoughts mentioned in the video. I have always been hesitant to do so, but I finally decided to blatantly express what living with depression is like. I am on the maximum dosage for my antidepressant medication and have gone through several medications prior to that in an effort to help with my depression, but in the end, it always seems to come through. I’ve had to learn to live with that and accept how painful it gets, and to be okay with wishing I was gone at times.
The video itself was done on adobe premiere pro and after effects, as well as adobe rush. I first cut down the video to a manageable chunk of time and found a piece of music I was keen to listen to when I cried and trimmed everything to fit. The song chosen was Destroyer by the artist Ruby Haunt. Afterwards, I figured the audio was missing something as having a song was too boring, so I changed some of my voicemails from those close to me to audio files and added those in too. I then animated over the video in after effects and went back into premiere to then add the audio of movies and TV shows that had a large impact on how I dealt with my depression as well as videos of significant parts of the year or past few years (i.e. the ball drop for New Year’s 2022 or the “no justice, no peace,” chant from the BLM protests). I wanted to add a voice memo of thoughts I was having, but I decided that the audio would be too cluttered and began to worry it would be too distracting, so I instead added subtitles to the piece.
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